god from the machine

coding is deterministic, consistent, safe, predictable
a function that changes A to B will always do so, unless
written to work any other way, cause and effect in action

bipolar is irrational, chaotic, dangerous, a factory defect where
the depression needs no reason or rhyme to corrupt my brain
and the mania asks for no justification to overload my mind

the nervous system looks suspiciously like a bundle of wires
without cable ties and managers to keep it clean and orderly,
illness coursing through its veins rather than data and logic

to feel is to be human, but is there ever such thing as too much
humanity? i try to focus on my code, despite it all, and when the
program works, consistently and cleanly, there’s a pang of envy

oh, won’t something come save me from myself?